Building a Great Relationship
Going from dating to beginning a new relationship can be very exciting. There is generally a lot of chemistry that is involved at this stage. Sometimes the chemistry is misleading, that is to say that the physical attraction you feel may override your good sense. Therefore, if you are interested in building a good relationship from the start, I recommend you read on.
Know what you want…what is your criteria?
This is generally good advice for whatever you do but is particularly applicable to forming a good relationship. Make a list of characteristics you believe are important to you. These will be your criteria. Think about each of those characteristics very carefully to make sure that they are significant. Rate each one on a 1 to 5 scale, 1 being the least important and 5 being the most. Now rate your partner. You can rate him or her again later but this first rating will help to guide you.
If you want honesty, integrity and a real connection to another human being you must be genuine. I mentioned this point in the previous article but it is important enough to bear repeating and elaboration. It is one thing to embellish a little and quite another to start out lying. This is not to say that you must tell all that is personal and private. In fact it is a good idea to tell a little at a time. However, to misrepresent can lead to embarrassment and regret later. Be real. Be honest. Be authentic.
Be a good listener.
If you want to get to know someone well, you must ask good questions and be prepared to listen to the answers. Someone once said that since we have two ears and only one mouth we should probably listen twice as much as we speak. Interrupting, looking around, getting distracted and not focusing on what the other is saying gives the impression that you’re really not interested. Paying attention to someone is both respectful and complimentary.
Be thoughtful about your responses.
Consider what you are about to say. I am not suggesting that you measure every word but that you think about what you really want to say. For example: Do you want to encourage the person to continue talking about a particular subject? Do you want to show compassion or empathy for him or her? Is what you are about to say meant to change the subject? Are you saying something simply to fill a silent moment? Be careful not to jump into disagreements, criticisms or arguments. Think before you speak! Words can destroy as well as build trust and confidence so choose them wisely.
We have all met people who focus on the negative things in their life. They are considered to have “negative energy” and conversations with them are often dark, gloomy and exhausting. Other people seem to have an upbeat, positive attitude about life and conversations with them tend to be energizing and uplifting. If you want to build a great relationship you need to start by being positive.